At the mention of my law school applications in my post about applying for the Foreign Services, I immediately thought about the personal essay I wrote for the application. This was written in 2008 and I can see how I've strayed from my ideals, but we'll see if I can find my way in the next chapter.
You're like a rock that isn't satisfied with sitting on top of a cliff in contentment,” my father started, “you know there is a whole unexplored world out there and rather than staying comfortable you tumble down the hill and welcome the experiences in life that will leave you a little bruised and challenged until you come out of it with your edges smoothed over,” a pause, and he continues, “most people don't dare leave a life of comfort for the unknown, but you are and I'm proud of you.” There it was, the moment my father finally understood me. Earlier in the year, during a moment of hesitation, I approached my father to let him know that I was quitting my comfortable job, not taking the new position I was being offered in Los Angeles, and temporarily moving to Shanghai. Prior to that moment I spent weeks wondering why I was not excited about anything in life. I had wonderful friends, a job with a great company, and an offer from another company for what would have been an exciting lateral move and a new start in a different city, but I was bored.
Only a year out of college and already I was plagued with thoughts of, “Is this all there is to life? There has to be more.” That was a year ago, and the things I have experienced, the rough moments, the sweet, and the bittersweet, have transformed me.
Shanghai, an international hub of activity, some say it is THE place to be at the moment. For me it was an eye opener. Growing up around San Francisco, I have always been exposed to a multi-culture existence, but it was nothing compared to what I would discover about humanity and myself during my time overseas. What I saw was a plethora of opportunity and during my first moments in Shanghai I felt invincible. Every time I would ride the metro I would pass by a particular piece of advertising written in Chinese that translated to, “If you can dream it, you can do it,” and during those moments I felt like nothing summed up my experiences better. When my father came to visit me in May, he took me away from the glittering lights of Shanghai to the China most foreigners never bother to experience. “China is like a house and Shanghai is the window. You had your time in Shanghai, but now I want you to step inside and see the rest of the house.” After a two week tour we returned to Shanghai and my father left to go back to California.
Spending time in poorer parts of the country opened up my eyes to problems, problems that I wanted to solve. Going off the same high I felt when I first arrived in Shanghai, I got it into my head that I could be that pioneer of change. It was not until I spoke with a good friend of mine, a man I looked up to as a sort of guru in the matters of humanity, did I let the weight of what I wanted to do sink in. We were sitting in an Italian café in the French Concession of Shanghai when I went over what I learned from my travels and what I wanted to do to generate social change. He listened to me with the patience of a parent listening to their child explain how one day she wants to grow up to be Superwoman. After I finished, he paused and looked off into the distance, when he replied, what struck me the most was this thought, “It’s noble to want to help people become self sufficient, however, throughout history there has always been a group, or several groups, that serve those in power and we need to continue that to keep a balance. Once one group rises, another has to fall back. It is because of this that throughout history we see the reinforcement of the construct of difference. We, as a culture, create differences among people to make us feel that it is alright for one group to be the “haves” and the other to be the “have-nots”. It is only because you have family ties to China that compels you to create change for them.” The realization that there is so much more for me to understand before I should campaign for change was the hardest fall for this rock to experience while rolling down that proverbial hill.
A week after that conversation I went on a trip to Tibet. Spurred by the lessons I learned from observing the unfamiliar culture, I made it my mission to experience more. Later in the year my destinations ran the gamut from Hong Kong to Thailand to Cambodia to Malaysia. I held conversations with college students curious about American politics, a masseuse starting her life over again at the age of 50 after years in an abusive marriage, a man at 40 who spent his life avoiding loneliness only to have to confront it head on, and a number of other characters. At the end of it all my thoughts traveled back to the beginning of the year when I spent time in Mexico prior to leaving for Shanghai. As my friend drove us past the countryside I remember thinking that when we get past all the superficial differences, we are all more alike than we are different.
Mahatma Gandhi once said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” A year after that conversation with my father, a year after smoothing out a few of my rough edges, I am now ready to take the next steps that will continue to transform me into the change I want to see for this world.
You're like a rock that isn't satisfied with sitting on top of a cliff in contentment,” my father started, “you know there is a whole unexplored world out there and rather than staying comfortable you tumble down the hill and welcome the experiences in life that will leave you a little bruised and challenged until you come out of it with your edges smoothed over,” a pause, and he continues, “most people don't dare leave a life of comfort for the unknown, but you are and I'm proud of you.” There it was, the moment my father finally understood me. Earlier in the year, during a moment of hesitation, I approached my father to let him know that I was quitting my comfortable job, not taking the new position I was being offered in Los Angeles, and temporarily moving to Shanghai. Prior to that moment I spent weeks wondering why I was not excited about anything in life. I had wonderful friends, a job with a great company, and an offer from another company for what would have been an exciting lateral move and a new start in a different city, but I was bored.
Only a year out of college and already I was plagued with thoughts of, “Is this all there is to life? There has to be more.” That was a year ago, and the things I have experienced, the rough moments, the sweet, and the bittersweet, have transformed me.
Spending time in poorer parts of the country opened up my eyes to problems, problems that I wanted to solve. Going off the same high I felt when I first arrived in Shanghai, I got it into my head that I could be that pioneer of change. It was not until I spoke with a good friend of mine, a man I looked up to as a sort of guru in the matters of humanity, did I let the weight of what I wanted to do sink in. We were sitting in an Italian café in the French Concession of Shanghai when I went over what I learned from my travels and what I wanted to do to generate social change. He listened to me with the patience of a parent listening to their child explain how one day she wants to grow up to be Superwoman. After I finished, he paused and looked off into the distance, when he replied, what struck me the most was this thought, “It’s noble to want to help people become self sufficient, however, throughout history there has always been a group, or several groups, that serve those in power and we need to continue that to keep a balance. Once one group rises, another has to fall back. It is because of this that throughout history we see the reinforcement of the construct of difference. We, as a culture, create differences among people to make us feel that it is alright for one group to be the “haves” and the other to be the “have-nots”. It is only because you have family ties to China that compels you to create change for them.” The realization that there is so much more for me to understand before I should campaign for change was the hardest fall for this rock to experience while rolling down that proverbial hill.
Mahatma Gandhi once said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” A year after that conversation with my father, a year after smoothing out a few of my rough edges, I am now ready to take the next steps that will continue to transform me into the change I want to see for this world.
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