I wrote this up for a friend's travel magazine and thought I'd
post it here in the spirit of St. Valentine's Day.
A
fun trip ends with photos of dreamed about monuments, silly moments with
strangers on the streets of exotic places, short term flings and other lovely
things, but there is one thing that happens all too often that can elevate a
trip from fun to life changing. Timelessly inspiring generations of romantics,
this one transformative event is the incomparable feeling of falling in love.
The
lucky ones know right away that they are compatible and will work on ways of
being together from the start. This may include plans for one part of the
couple to move or for both to move to a brand new location together. The
unlucky ones know they are in love, but aren’t quite sure, well, of many different
things. They need time to figure out whether or not there is a future, if there
is compatibility outside of the euphoria of falling in love, how to transition
careers and lifestyles to fit in another person, etc…
As
a girl who admits to ending a date after hearing the phrase, “I wish I could
travel,” it is no surprise that my relationships tend to go the route of
international romance. As much as I hate to be in long distance relationships
and vow “never again”, I find myself again and again in that exact situation.
Words of love and longing echo over Skype, emails instead of phone calls, and
imagining the other person’s day to day lifestyle without you becomes the norm.
Unlike
same city relationships where two people have the luxury to grow together and
one day realize their lives are too intertwined to want to be without each
other, international long distance relationships go through their own timeline
and inevitabilities. Plans are made on trips to visit each other’s home turfs
and weeks are spent showing the other person every detail of one’s life in a
hyper rushed time frame rather than letting each aspect of life
slowly unfold and be discovered in their typical pace. Discussions are had
about what would happen if one or the other left behind their life to start
over again together, only to have the reality of visa regulations impede upon
having a career and the longevity of the stay. Eventually there comes a day
when the time between trips to visit each other become longer and longer and the
realization that your two lives are growing apart rather than together becomes
too hard to ignore. This leads to the “make or break” moment when a decision
needs to be made, someone has to move or the relationship ends. Talks of
marriage may enter the picture, but even in these situations, marriage is not a
decision to be made lightly and so action stalls.
Like
a “Choose Your Own Adventure” book, the decision you make takes you down
different routes. One or both of you move to start a life together, like those
lucky ones who knew from the start. Your relationship takes on the joys and
challenges of normal relationships and time is spent getting to know each other
in a different way. Or you break up and vow “never again”, only to realize it
will happen again and again, because once you have had a taste for an
international relationship, you can’t go back to dating someone who doesn’t
travel.
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