"Wow, you're going to India by yourself, I wouldn't even do
that and I'm Indian." That was the kind of reaction I received
when I announced my last minute decision to go to India alone. I like to
think that I am fairly well traveled, I've been to over twenty countries, a
third of which I traveled solo, but for some reason I was a worried about
India. I heard that no matter how well traveled a person is, India is an
overwhelming experience. The men I sought advice from told me I would
enjoy India, but was crazy for going. While I was in Nepal the Nepali
looked at me like I was crazy for going to India alone, they told me Indians
aren't honest and the country is a mess. I had to wonder, what was I
getting myself into?
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| Riot Or Wedding? |
With all these thoughts in my head, I arrived at my airport hotel
in New Delhi late at night. Arriving at night was probably not the best
way to arrive in a new country, neither was staying near the airport, a
location that is never the finest example of humanity regardless of country. I
was a little freaked out. My friend in India insisted on meeting me in
New Delhi and accompanying me to Agra. He told me he wasn’t comfortable
with me traveling alone in that part of India as a single female
traveler. Right before I boarded my flight from Kathmandu to New Delhi,
he reminded me of the riots surrounding the December gang rape case, and while
waiting for him to meet me, a man tried to enter my hotel room. Granted
the man said he was there to turn the heat on, and the man in the room next to
me opened his door to say he was the one who requested heat, not me. In
the end it was completely legitimate, but I was primed to expect the
worse. Even an innocent wedding outside my window turned into a riot in
my imagination. Now that my trip is over, I can't help but laugh at
myself on my first night.
When I think about the male travelers who told me they grew weary of India after a couple of weeks and just wanted to get out, I compare it with my experience and wonder, is India a better destination for women? When I was in Agra with my friend, the first thing I noticed was I suddenly became invisible. Touts targeted my friend and let me move freely, questions about service went straight to him, and I just relaxed. On my own, I noticed this throughout India as I observed couples being hassled. While women have to deal with constant male attention, the male travelers I spoke to complained about the heavy pressure they received from touts to spend money and the constant offers of drugs and women for sale. I've heard friends complain about similar situations while traveling through China, Cambodia, Thailand, and Egypt, however, from what I've heard these pressures are more constant in India. As for pressure to spend money, I've noticed the chauvinistic attitude in India also works to a female traveler's advantage. While my male counterparts were being hounded, I found as a woman, a polite "no thank you" was usually enough, and if a shopkeeper persisted, engaging in conversation or simply walking away sufficed. The only place I traveled to where that didn't work was the medina in Marrakesh, Morocco. I've been there twice now and I will never get used to the aggressiveness of the touts there.
When I think about the male travelers who told me they grew weary of India after a couple of weeks and just wanted to get out, I compare it with my experience and wonder, is India a better destination for women? When I was in Agra with my friend, the first thing I noticed was I suddenly became invisible. Touts targeted my friend and let me move freely, questions about service went straight to him, and I just relaxed. On my own, I noticed this throughout India as I observed couples being hassled. While women have to deal with constant male attention, the male travelers I spoke to complained about the heavy pressure they received from touts to spend money and the constant offers of drugs and women for sale. I've heard friends complain about similar situations while traveling through China, Cambodia, Thailand, and Egypt, however, from what I've heard these pressures are more constant in India. As for pressure to spend money, I've noticed the chauvinistic attitude in India also works to a female traveler's advantage. While my male counterparts were being hounded, I found as a woman, a polite "no thank you" was usually enough, and if a shopkeeper persisted, engaging in conversation or simply walking away sufficed. The only place I traveled to where that didn't work was the medina in Marrakesh, Morocco. I've been there twice now and I will never get used to the aggressiveness of the touts there.
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| Covered Up But Still Looking Good |
As a solo female traveler, not all male attention is negative.
I love to talk to strangers, but am not the type of person
to initiate conversation, so the fact that people went out of their way to
chat with me made for a very enjoyable time. Yes, there will be the
boys who try to hook up with you, that is an inevitable in every country, just
walk away and decline offers to meet for after all hours drinks in secluded
places. The majority of my interactions came from helpful and concerned
men and women who made a point to make sure I was taken care of. I first
noticed this need for people to take care of solo females when I was on a train
in Egypt where an Egyptian man went out of his way to take me on the metro from
the wrong train station in in Cairo to the correct one in Giza.
Then once I was on my train, I ended up being well taken care of and fed
by an Indian family who's patriarch, Raj, was concerned for me and my solo
status.
In India, I found the people to be so helpful, whenever I asked
for directions some men would go out of their way to show me the path or help
me find the correct bus. Women sat next to me on the bus and let me know
when I arrived at my destination. Even tour guides with paying customers
offered to answer any questions I had and acted as my own personal
photographers all because I was traveling solo.
When I was leaving Cochin to
fly back to Mumbai, the man next to me struck up a conversation. He asked
me if I was headed to the airport since I was the only foreigner on the bus and
had a small backpack with me. Later, this conversation would prove
crucial in getting me to the airport in time. Though I had left early,
road construction rendered traffic immobile. Everyone was getting
antsy, but three men in particular took special interests in getting me to my
flight in time. One kept an eye on the situation, another called the
transportation office to complain about the way the traffic police were
controlling traffic, using my situation as a reason why our bus needed to get
priority, and the third translated for me. This eventually worked and I
made it to the airport with time to spare.
As a woman, yes, men will leer, you may have to deal with
the occasional groper, but nothing worse than what I've experienced riding
the bus in San Francisco. To minimize this, just dress a little more
conservative, and please everyone stop wearing those hideous harem pants.
This has nothing to do with avoiding being groped, but I just wanted to
say how embarrassing they are to see. I was discussing this
with a shop owner in Cochin after he tried to lure me into his shop with promises
of "Alibaba pants". I told him I had no interest in them since
I found them to be ugly, he agreed and said they only sell them because for
some reason tourists seem to love them. No Indian would be caught dead in
them, and neither should you.
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| Gorgeous Lake Palace In Udaipur |
Whether male or female, solo or in a couple, with friends or family, the most surprising aspect of India is how romantic a country it is. I'm not just talking about the palaces and lake views of Udaipur, nor the rolling hills and private bungalows of Munnar, but the country itself is steeped in faded romance, as if Mrs. Havisham pulled herself out of the pages of Great Expectations and decided to become a country.
With such a vast and intricate history, mythology that rivals the Greeks,
tolerant religious devotion that is difficult to find anywhere else, and a
system of customs that may seem strange and awkward to an outsider but works
for maintaining a sense of order, there is so much in India beyond the dirt,
hassle, and poverty so many people like to focus on. India is a long
suffering mistress who simultaneously clings and is repulsed by it's colonial
past. The reminder of a bygone era are everywhere and the effects of that
time still soldier on. Like a recovering ex lover, India has had its missteps, mistreatment, and moments of weakness, but she continues
on with her head held high and with whispers of future romance echoing through
her core.
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| Contrasting Mumbai |
Something else I want to touch on, but not delve into, is the still
lingering caste system in India. As an outsider I have very mixed
feelings about it, but it did get me thinking. In a lot of ways the whole
world is a caste system. Which country you are born in determines the
type of world view and freedoms you will have. Though we may find it
unfair that a Burmese person may never have the same freedoms and opportunities
as a Canadian, it is a reality. Keeping this in mind, and keeping in mind
my American background, I started to think about how our lives are so
determined by what we are born into, however, who we are and what we do is
controlled 80% by the reality we are born into and 20% by the reality we
create. Of course, for someone in a system that is created to keep them
down, leaving that reality is infinitely more difficult, however,
most of what keeps us down in developed nations are our own constructions of
what we believe.
I didn't think I would love India so much, but she has bewitched me in ways only a select few countries have done before.
I didn't think I would love India so much, but she has bewitched me in ways only a select few countries have done before.
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