I've been so preoccupied with the thought of turning thirty this
year.
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| Turning 24 In Shanghai |
Perhaps because it is a milestone pregnant with so much meaning. By
thirty you're not old, yet you are too old to go through life without a
direction. At first I dreaded turning thirty,
most prominently while I adapted to the idea of returning to school for a
postgraduate degree, but later I realized it was not turning thirty that I
actually dreaded, rather, going back to school was the wrong decision for me.
In life, you can't go backward. Now that I have finished a month
long trip through Nepal and India, I actually look forward to leaving my
twenties behind and entering my thirties. Though I'll never have that
fresh faced naive look I enjoyed in my twenties - as demonstrated to me
whenever I said I was a student and I received looks of "really,
still?" - I enjoy the look of experience that now marks my face. For
once I feel like a woman and not a girl. As I started my trip I was a
little annoyed at being called "ma'am" or "madame", but
then a change happened midway and I started to enjoy it, feeling like I earned
this little sign of courtesy and respect.
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| Beijing, Aged 24 |
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| Hours Before Leaving Mumbai, 29 |
With two months to go before my thirtieth birthday, I started to
think about all those lists about things a woman should have done/owned by the
time she turns thirty. Those lists are shit. They
usually include owning a great last minute date outfit and a piece of
furniture- how antiquated.
Instead, I propose that at this milestone, we should look at how
far we've come in life, be proud of the experiences that have made us grow, and
be content with a past that we're happy to have lived, but don't mind leaving
behind us.
-My first trip to Asia occurred after university at the age of 22
to China. The most troubling shock for me came with crossing streets.
After growing up in California, full of crosswalks and right of way
granted to pedestrians, the Frogger like agility to get from side A to
side B in China was a nightmare to me. Even today I say you can always tell
when it's someone's first time in Asia by watching them struggle to cross the
street. As I turned 24 while living in Shanghai, I got over this fear and
even felt like my day wasn't complete without almost having my toes run over by
sidewalk hugging buses. These thoughts came back in my head while I weaved in
and around traffic all over India on every type of road, even walking between
fast moving cars on the expressway was a cinch, though my parents would faint
if they saw me do that.
It's not just about learning how to cross the street that makes me
giddy with accomplishment, rather, it is the growth in my comfort level with
travel that makes me proud. When I was in China at 22, my father put so
much fear into my brothers and myself that it felt like a miracle to be able to
take a taxi in Shanghai to get from our hotel to the sterile XinTianDi.
Even sneaking out alone for an evening walk around downtown Xi'an felt
like a walk into the "dangerous" unknown at the time. As I
navigated India on government and local buses, asked my way around to figure
out my next destination, hopped on a motorcycle with a stranger, and learned to
drive a tuk tuk during my third solo trip, I felt proud to be where I am.
-For the majority of my life I've always been interested in so
many things that it made me freeze for fear of deciding, however, I was lucky
enough to recently evaluate a few things I used to hold sacred only to discover
these things no longer meant the same to me. So as I enter my thirties I
have narrowed down my interests and priorities in life, a feat I never thought
I'd accomplish! Though there will be much exploration and trying of new
things still in my life, I know now what matters to me, who I want to be, and
what I need to do to be that me. This includes writing, learning piano,
and taking photographs. Who knows, by thirty-five I could be pretty damn
awesome at one, or all three.
- I realize now that I had the idea of finding my dream job all
wrong. I was so preoccupied with the idea of building a career around a
passion, but after talking to a number of people who did just that, the reality
is many end up hating what they used to love. The happiest people I've
met are those who have built careers around the lifestyle they want and have
careers that use skills they enjoy using. I like to be in charge, help
people learn, and bring order to chaos, I want to be able to take two trips a
year, and come and go as I please in my day to day, then at the end of the day
I want to have time to work on the hobbies that I love. After looking at
this list, I realized that I had the perfect job and will go back into the
industry. Now instead of writing shit articles, I can choose to write
only the types of articles I want to for a selective online magazine, I can
take portraits of friends for fun instead of spending hours day in and out
editing photos in a dark room, I can cook and entertain friends instead of
stressing about the failure rate of restaurants, I can create my dream
nonprofit without worrying about how I'll earn a living, etc...
-Entering my thirties has been a wake up call to take better care
of myself. I've learned from injuring my left ankle how vulnerable my
body really is. If I plan on exploring the world still in my 60's and
70's, I better take good care of myself now. That means sunscreen, eating
healthy, moisturizing, doing yoga, and if I really can't get back into running,
then finding a replacement sport to take care of my body and restore sanity to
my mind.
-Turning thirty means I not only know how to fall in love, but I
know how to do it without losing myself. There are many ways of loving
someone, just as there are many types of love out there. Now it's about
knowing the type of love I want and the type of love I can give.
-I've learned having a sense of humor and going with the flow are
two crucial attributes that make life more fun. Though I am pretty good
with the two while I travel, I do need to get better at just letting go in the
rest of my life.
-The Rolling Stones had it right when they said, You can't
always get what you want/But if you try sometimes well you might find you get
what you need. Always getting what you want in life takes the joy out
of accomplishment. Trust me, I don't enjoy not getting what I want, but
it is during those times when life throws me a curve ball that I discover the
things that really matter to me. It is the struggle of earning those
moments that brings me the greatest joy. I was thoroughly depressed when
I left school after planning for over a year to get a postgraduate degree,
however, it was because I left that I discovered the things in life that no
longer made sense for me and saw what I do have in a different light. It
wasn't until I didn't get what I wanted did I open myself up to what I needed.
There are still things I am unsure about, but no one says you're
supposed to have it all figured out, well, ever.
Lastly, you never know what will happen in life, so just take each
opportunity as it comes and be grateful for what you have. Reflecting
back on my life I am pretty happy with what I've done and experienced, though I
am nowhere near done yet, if I had to meet St. Peter I could be content to know
that when given the opportunities to enjoy life, I took them. But really, there
are still too many goals in life to stop now!
As I get ready for thirty, I just have this to say, "bring it
on".
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